We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
