Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
