You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
