i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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