There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
