Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
smell my finger.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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