New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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