about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
