Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Randomize
