I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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