It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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