Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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