There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
