were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize