I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
