he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
