You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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