Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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