This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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