She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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