you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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