Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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