I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
