I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
