Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
