He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
