Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
