my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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