with your own penis?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
