shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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