She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Randomize
