I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
