Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
