so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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