If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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