I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
