chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
