his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize