No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Green mimosas i think yes
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
