what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Randomize
