But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
