I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
