Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
