He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
