how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
