Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
