are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
