: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
