Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
