i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
