I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
