I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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