THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
