i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
