your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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