cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize