i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
