We're facebook friends in real life
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I am available for nakedness
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize