I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
