Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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