I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize