Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
