why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
