they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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