All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
