can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
