She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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