I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
