can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
