I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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