Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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