I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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