Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
