Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize