you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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