it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
