we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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