9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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