just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
