I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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