When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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