I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
