I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
