i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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